Losing someone you love is never easy. Be it a family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, best friend, you name it. We've all been through it. And no matter how long passes, it still hurts over time.
I've been an incredibly lucky person in life as in my first 19 years, I only had the loss of two beloved dogs. I never thought anything could be worse than losing our second dog Benji, my heart hurt for weeks. Over time though, I grew to accept that his short time with us was for a reason. After all, he was a stray dog who had no real love or life, then he came into our house and was loved as much as possible until he passed. Losing a pet is hard. But I never knew real loss until I lost a close family member.
Growing up, my brother and I were always super close to our paternal grandparents and maternal grandfather. We'd have Sunday lunches with them, have large family Christmas', long chats in front of the fire with my granda, and so many other memories I will cherish forever.
I remember telling my grandparents I was heading to England for uni. They were sad I had to leave but really supportive, as were my parents and brother. Though secretly I think my brother was just really happy to now have the entire upstairs of the house to himself! Telling my granda Tommy felt different. We visited him like we usually do and I told him my news. Again, he was really supportive and proud of me, and the conversation soon turned to another topic. When we usually leave, we all say our goodbyes and get waved off by my granda. They say it's always the little things you remember...
This time however, my mum suggested giving my granda a hug goodbye as it would be a few weeks until I would next see him. Something about this hug felt so special. All hugs from the people you love feel special, but this one was different. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what made it feel different in that moment, but little did I know that it would be the last time I would hug my granda again.
A few weeks into my first year at uni, I got the devastating news that my granda was in hospital after having a stroke. It was a hug shock to us all as at 84, my granda was one of the fittest men I knew! He would cycle upwards of 30 miles a day on his bike, and walked everywhere. My decision was to stay at uni as I knew that I would drop out and not go back, one thing I'm sure my granda wouldn't have wanted me to do. Although that's what he would have wanted, my decision pains me to this day. I feel terrible for not being there for him. After a few weeks in hospital, I got the news on the 20th November 2014 that my granda has passed away.
People say it gets easier over time, but even two years on I'm still sat in tears writing this.
My granda Tommy was and will always be one of my favourite people. He inspired me, always encouraged my brother and I do our best, and was one of the loveliest people I have had the pleasure of knowing. I love him with all my heart, and there's not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
Until the next time,
Catherine
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